Why this book exists
A focused place to understand what is happening
In 2024 two researchers ran an experiment that removed every excuse. They asked people to name someone they had lost touch with and would be happy to hear from. So: a person they liked. Then they checked that the participants had the contact details. They checked that the participants believed they would appreciate hearing from them. They checked that the participants wanted to do it. And then they gave them time, right there, to draft and send a message. Fewer than one third sent it. Read that again, because every ordinary explanation is eliminated by the design. Not that they could not find the number: they had it. Not that they feared it would be unwelcome: they expected a warm reply. Not that they did not want to: they nominated the person. Not.
The writing is designed to reduce shame, bring the underlying pattern into view and give you practical ways to respond without pretending that every life follows the same formula.
