Why this book exists
A focused place to understand what is happening
For four years, Vera had been grieving a husband who was still alive, still there in the house, still, in some sense, the man she had married thirty-one years before. He had been diagnosed, at fifty-nine, with a progressive neurological illness that had, over four years, slowly taken him from her while leaving him, cruelly, still present. The man she had married had been quick, funny, capable, her partner in every sense, the person she turned to, argued with, leaned on, laughed with. And that man was, day by day, disappearing, replaced by someone who needed her for everything, who could no longer do the things they had shared, and who required, instead, her constant care. Vera had become, without ever choosing it or being asked, a caregiver, and her.
The writing is designed to reduce shame, bring the underlying pattern into view and give you practical ways to respond without pretending that every life follows the same formula.
