Why this book exists
A focused place to understand what is happening
There is an experiment I want to tell you about before anything else, because it explains two years of your life in about ninety seconds. In 1996, researchers put people to bed under two crossed conditions. Some were told to go under as fast as they could; others were told to go under whenever they felt like it. And, crossed with that, some listened to gentle music and others listened to John Philip Sousa marches. Under the gentle music, the people trying to go under quickly did. Trying worked. Under the marching band, it reversed. The people trying to go under quickly took longer than the people who were not trying at all.
The writing is designed to reduce shame, bring the underlying pattern into view and give you practical ways to respond without pretending that every life follows the same formula.
